What are you giving up in your relationships? Are you Settling?
Can you relate to this scenario? A potential partner comes along that has some of the qualities you desire, but there are some glaring differences that raise those tell-tale ‘red flags’ right from the beginning. In my own life, I often thought that if I could blend a little bit of Jerry and a bit of Dennis, I would have to perfect my partner. Instead, I would get together with Jerry, and spend time wondering why he wasn’t like Dennis! This is what we call that fateful, yet common faux pas, ‘Settling’.
I have many clients that come to me complaining about their relationships, and when we break down the issues, it is apparent that one or both individuals have settled for one reason or another. These are the common beliefs that circulate in the mind when we settle:
- “There probably is no one better out there, so even though he forgets my birthday and criticizes me all the time, it is easier just to stay.
- “I would probably not attract anyone better so I should just stay even though I am so lonely.”
- “There is no such thing as a soul mate or ideal match”
- “She is only mean to me a few times a week.”
- “If she would stop drinking, she would be a wonderful partner.”
- “Maybe he will change if I just keep trying.”
- “I get so frustrated that she doesn’t share my interests. Oh, well. I guess I can give up enjoying the outdoors.”
- “I chose the wrong partner but I don’t want to deal with the upheaval. So I just get my intimate needs met outside of the relationship.”
I am not saying that a relationship cannot grow and thrive if every single aspect of both partners is not a match. It can work well if many other core elements and attractions are present. However, if you have to convince yourself why you really don’t need those elements that are important to you in your life, then you may be settling for your second, third, fourth or fifth best. I just know that from my own personal experience, and those of my clients, we can talk ourselves into situations that we know are wrong from the beginning because we feel, at a core level, that we either do not deserve someone better or that that person just does not exist.
What Are You Giving Up In Your Relationships?
Do you enjoy reading, but choose partners that prefer to watch television? Do you love boating, but you choose partners that dislike the water? Are you a romantic and you choose partners that think romance is, “Hey Baby, what’s for dinner?”
Make a list of the desires, needs, interests, and philosophies that you tend to give up in relationships and regret later. By making a list of the things that are important to you in a relationship, you can start to be aware of your choices and actions. Then you can create new intentions for a relationship that fits you ideal picture.
What Inner Language Are You Projecting?
One of my coaching clients, Lisa, shared with me, “I am not acting needy. I am not clinging to these relationships. What is the deal?” “Why is all this rejection happening?” Outwardly she was cool, calm and collected, and it was obvious that she was very independent in her career and completely capable of taking care of her child on her own. Nevertheless, the energy of her unconscious little girl that longed for love, was screaming out loudly and desperately.
To be able to finally draw in the love and relationship you desire, you must first recognize what energy or behavior you are projecting to the world. What is your inner language expressing without saying anything at all? Get into a quiet space, and ask yourself straight out, “What is my inner language saying?.” Listen to your inner voice and the answers will come. Do not candy coat the answer. The more honest you are with yourself, the more powerful and positive the change will be.
Your Soul Mate Needs an Open Door
Is it possible that your soul mate has not arrived because there has not been room for him to enter? You may think that you are open and ready, but is your heart wide open, too?
If you have experienced pain in past relationships, you may carry an amour around your heart in an effort to keep it safe and protected. The truth is that the more you close your heart, the less love you will receive, and that will only cause you to close your heart even more. This is all well and good if you are content in living alone. But if you desire love, and I believe you do, then it is time to unveil your beautiful, passionate, lovely heart. Just because you were hurt in the past, does not mean it needs to happen again. Especially if you are taking good notes from past mistakes! Do not continue to bring your past into the future. It is time to attract what you deserve. True love.
Open Your Heart to Receive that WOW Love
Get into a quiet space and take some deep breathes until you are feeling calm and relaxed. If soft music and candles help you get into the mood, do what you please. Now on your inhale, visualize a golden light coming into your body from the crown of your head and then melting down to your toes. Feel it as the warmth and sparkling light nurtures all of your organs and systems of your body. After a few minutes, focus on your heart area. Now put your right hand over your heart and continue to inhale and exhale this golden light. Then on the inhale, only focus on your heart area and visualize a soft pink loving energy coming into your heart. Feel your heart opening fully and allowing this pink energy to fill it completely and fully with love. Continue to inhale and exhale deeply. After another minute or two, visualize the pink energy turning to red, passionate, vibrant energy that is continuing to fill up your ever-expanding, open heart. Now feel that love and passion spread from your heart to the rest of your body, up to your head and down through your torso and legs, and through the bottom of your toes. Feel how wonderful, light, free and uplifting this love energy feels. Continue to experience the opening of your heart. Now I want you to expand this loving energy inside your heart and the rest of your body, out to the world and to the Universe. See it expanding for miles and miles. Oh, how lucky the world is to experience your love. Now feel it coming right back into your heart and hold it there. Your heart is now open and ready to receive love.
Repeat this at least twice a week to continue healing and opening your heart so that you may receive all the love you deserve.
“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies” ~Aristotle.
Allison Maslan, CEO of Pinnacle Global Network, is the Wall Street Journal Best Selling Author of Scale or Fail, which is endorsed by Daymond John and Barbara Corcoran of Shark Tank. Allison’s built 10 successful companies starting out at age 19.
Now she and her team of CEO Mentors pay it forward by helping business owners scale their companies, fast-track their success, and create a more meaningful life. Pinnacle Global Network, a world leader in scaling companies and empowering business leaders has guided thousands of CEO's and Founders to success over the past decade. Allison’s been featured in Inc., Success, Fortune, Fast Company, and Forbes Magazines, is a regular contributor to Entrepreneur Magazine, and a featured expert on ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, and Fox across the US. She is also the host and producer of The Scale or Fail Show podcast, and the Women Who Own it Podcast in partnership with WBENC, the largest certifier of women-owned businesses in North America.
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